FROM WHERE I SIT The Art of Conversation Jan. 18, 2012 pat spilseth
Seventeenth and Eighteenth century intellectuals hosted salons, gatherings where individuals enjoyed witty conversations debating issues of the day. Gertrude Stein hosted soirees in her Paris home where Hemingway, Fitzgerald, and Picasso discussed art, politics, and new ideas. Today friends have dinner parties where conversations tend to center around current events and other people. Rarely at parties do friends engage in conversations, which could turn into debates, about politics, religion, or economics. It’s not considered socially or politically correct to bare your soul about issues which are, at times, so volatile they could injure friendships.
This weekend I’ve been invited to two dinner parties to discuss, even debate, various ideas. Everything imaginable is “on the table”. It’ll be a no holds barred evening of riveting talk about politics, education, religion, marriage, and issues “proper” people are not supposed to discuss at a party.
The evening will be a free-for-all, but respect is to be our guide. No shouting matches about “right to life versus choice” or gay marriage where the loudest orator wins the argument. That means, cool your jets when the topics come up of Haley Barbour’s pardons of 200 criminals, abortions, the erosion of marriage, and if gay people choose their sexual orientation or not. We are to listen to each speaker with respectful regard, digest their point of view, and present our informed, personal thoughts.
Surely there will be divergent opinions. In attendance will be Lutherans and Roman Catholics, an atheist, perhaps a Mormon or two. The party will be spiced with a feisty Italian guy from New Jersey. The Scandinavian and German Midwest is represented and the East Coast, but I think we’re missing West Coast liberals, though a few of us have liberal viewpoints. It’s going to be an evening of stimulating, thought-provoking conversations. Perhaps our talk will rattle the staunch ideas some of us thought were so embedded in our minds.
We’ve been warned: arm yourself with facts from reading various columnists, newspapers, books, and listening to debates. We’ll arrive, poised for battle. But we WILL have open minds. I want to listen well and then, perhaps, I may form a new opinion about various, sticky issues.
Several years ago I was invited to a “Dining Diva Evening”. Ten women assembled monthly to discuss pertinent issues of the day. I read various newspapers, books, and listened to commentators on TV and Public Radio about Pro-Life versus Choice and the gay issue. I wanted to sound informed. The evening was enjoyable because no one had opinions they tried to overwhelm others with. We gathered for an evening of learning from others.
Book club conversations can enlighten members, especially if the group is open to the possibility that opinions may change. Forget evenings dominated by politics...my club has nixed that topic. It’s too volatile. We have a definite division between Republicans, Democrats, and Independents.
Conversations at bridge groups can provide an exchange of useful information. My bridge buddies have been together for thirty years. We play cards and discuss how to deal with what our kids, husbands, or friends are thinking and doing. These afternoons of bridge have often enlightened us with news of what we hadn’t been privy to. I loved getting the scoop on my kids. For a few years, when our kids were engaging in typical high school rebellions, the kids thought their moms had eyes in the back of our heads.
Coffee klatch conversations are prevalent throughout the country, especially at small town cafes for morning coffee conversations. The conversations at The Gingerbread House in Glenwood or Joan’s Log Cabin in Spring Park, the Chatterbox Cafe, or The Sidetrack Tap in Lake Wobegon are no different than at a Florida or Arizona McDonalds where retired folks meet for coffee. Men roll the dice to decide who pays; women split the check. Hot topics tend to be the plight of Social Security, eroding marriage numbers, gay marriage, health care, and excess government spending.
Conversations keep our minds alert, in touch with new ideas. Curious people never grow old. Interaction between people with various viewpoints keeps us in touch with today’s world; we’re more “with it” when we are knowledgeable about current ideas. At dinner parties this weekend, ideas will be flying around the room, tweaking my mind, unsettling my sleep. It’ll feel great. 734 words
