FROM WHERE I SIT Mischievous Cupid Feb. 3, 2014 Pat Spilseth
It’s a strange world out there in DATELAND! Why are girls so mindlessly attracted to Bad Boys? What is it about the rebel, his tattoos and earrings, that’s so alluring? And why do beautiful princesses and bouncy cheerleaders attract guys? Is the attraction all about looks? What’s wrong with nice guys and girls, Plain Jane and Basic Bob? How come a nice guy, who treats a gal well, doesn’t end up with a date? Why is the guy or gal you eventually bring home to meet Mom and Pop rarely the first person who caught your interest? What did you learn from your rejects?
Do we ever learn that the mysterious, attractive, elusive person we’re so smitten with might not be the best choice of an honorable, lifelong mate? What will make us wise up to the best qualities in a future husband or wife?
I know several men and women who still are searching for the perfect guy or gal. One of my neighbors can’t find an American gal who recriprocates his attentions so he’s writing and romancing gals in Russia. Several girlfriends are frustrated with internet dating, but they remain hopeful for a nice guy who is interesting, one who will not stray.
Valentines’ Day reminds us that almost everyone is looking for love, no matter how hard it is to find. Who doesn’t want to receive a smaltzy valentine, roses, and chocolates on Valentine’s Day? Pet dogs and cats can be affectionate companions, but...
So being a friend who wants to aid my friends’ search, I went to the internet. I found numerous sites under the headings CUPID, VALENTINE, and LOVE. A current experiment is being conducted, which analyzes 500,000 first contacts on a dating site, OkCupid. The searchers looked at keywords and phrases, how the words affected replies, and what trends were significant. They came up with a set of rules about what one should and shouldn’t say when introducing yourself to someone on an online dating site.
Here the best of the OkCupid online dating advice:
- Be literate. It’s a HUGE turnoff when a propective mate uses bad grammar, bad spelling or netspeak. Don’t think you can get away with illiterate words like ur, u, wat, wont, luv, realy, hit, ya. Slang makes a lousy first impression on any intelligent, possible date. It’s a deal breaker. It’s okay to laugh, using haha or lol, but keep the rest of your message grammatical and punctuated correctly.
- Avoid physical compliments:
This advice is mostly directed at guys: they are the ones to more likely talk about looks. A guy might think the words like gorgeous, beautiful and sexy are nice to say about someone, but no one really wants to hear them on an online dating site. They’re overused. People like compliments, but when they’re used as a pickup line, before you’ve even met the person, they feel yucky. What does work well are compliments like awesome, it’s fascinating, sometimes even that dated expression cool.
- Use an unusual greeting:
Your initial message to someone creates the classic “first impression”, which lingers a long time and is usually accurate. Top three popular ways to say “hello” are bad. That slangy greety Holla , yo and hey are advised against; instead, be literate. It’s smarter to use no traditional hello and just dive into whatever you have to say than to start with “hi”. Informal standard greets like how’s it going, what’s up and howdy all did well. Personally, I’d rather hear/read Hi, though it is awfully traditional and dates me.
- Bring up specific interests:
Talk about specific things that interest you or something you might have in common to make a connection. Specific words that are successful: band, metal, vegetarian, zombie, favorite movies, tattoo, physics, video games, grad school and literature are popular and effective, in descending order. Even better results occur when your phrases show that you’ve read their profile.
- If you’re a guy, be self-effacing:
A male message that guarantees success involves words like awkward, sorry, apologize, kinda, and probably. Though much real-world dating advice tells men to be more confident, apparently hemming and hawing a little works well online. Appearing unsure makes the writer seem more vulnerable. However, the word please is on the negative list.
- Consider becoming an atheist:
Mentionning religion helps you, but the numbers tells us that it helps most if you have no religion.
Reading through the responses to these internet rules, it appears that nice guys and gals get few if any responses. Perhaps profiling yourself as a vegetarian in a metal band, with numerous tattoos and studs, or a domamatrix who knows about a good sale on leather is the way to get a response these days!
Thank goodness, I won’t be searching for love on the internet. Because I’ll make sure Dave reads this column, I’ll get a lacey valentine, chocolates and flowers on Valentines’ Day from Mr. Excitement. How nice (a terribly uninteresting word for internet dating) to be married for many years to my valentine who likes casseroles and enjoys curling up on the couch to watch basketball with Mrs. Excitement. 870 words
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